Four things every husband wished his wife knew
This is the next brilliant line from a husband. “Even though I may not listen the first time doesn’t mean I don’t value your thoughts.” Actually, I think that’s exactly what it means.
“When I am watching sports, I have trouble focusing on what you are saying.” Let me just go out on a limb here and say, hey buddy, I think she knows that. I don’t think that will be news to her.
“I like to fix stuff.” That’s good. Deep.
“I’m not deaf, I just have selective hearing.” The next guy wrote this. “It’s not selective hearing. I really am going deaf.” That is an important distinction. Wives you should figure that out. Maybe administer a hearing test.
“I really do know everything.”
“I’m not over emotional when I watch sports. Trust me when I say this. Referees are morons.”
“I love you for who you are and I always will.” Beautiful right? I hope that paid off for you buddy, because it’s making the rest of us look bad. What I think this guy is really saying is “My wife is watching me fill out my card.”
1)We need respect for what we do
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25-28, 33
This doesn’t mean that a husband doesn’t need love and that a wife doesn’t need respect. But it does seem to indicate that respect is a high need for men. The word respect here has several meanings. Some of these meanings you wives can probably relate to.
One way this word is used in the bible is used to describe those startled by strange sights or occurrences. In this way some of you already respect your husband, especially when he blows his nose in the sheets.
Another way the word respect is used is means of those struck with amazement. You’re in awe. We guys like to think that’s what you’re thinking when we have our shirt off.
Let me give you the most likely definition of respect as it is used here. It means to reverence, venerate, to regard with great respect.
Last week my wife read a list of all the jobs that wives do that go unnoticed. This week I want to give my rebuttal. This is the husbands list.
We are the IT person in the house. The extent of most of our computer wisdom comes down to turning the computer off and back on again, but still, that job falls on us.
We are in charge of pest and rodent control
We are the tax accountants in charge of W-2s and 1040 forms
We are the bill payers
We balance the house budget
We are great orators. Some of our greatest statements include“You’re not going anywhere until that room is cleaned.”
We play the role of landscape architect.
We are the designated auto mechanic in charge of oil changes, smog checks and mechanic negotiation.
Husbands are the toilet plungers, the garage door fixers, the bug smashers, the jar openers, the car registration payers.
Marriage expert Elizabeth Schmitz says “If you’ve got a good man in your life, recognize it and treat him accordingly. “Men will tell us, ‘I want my wife to respect me. I want her to respect me for who I am, how I act and behave, and for how I treat her. More than anything, men want the love of their lives to respect and appreciate them for who they are as human beings. Women who focus on their husband’s strengths and tell them what they do well are bound to have happier marriages.”
Paul Murray put it like this. Don’t bag on your husband, brag on your husband.
One of our guys put it like this. I need my confidence boosted often. I think that is true of everyone.
2)We don’t do subtle
One of our guys had this to say. “I can’t read your mind and know what you are thinking.”
Let me tell you the story of Roger and Elaine. A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine and tonight marks their six month anniversary. So Elaine says
“Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” Elaine begins to ponder, “I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.”
Meanwhile Roger is thinking “Gosh, six months.”
And Elaine is thinking “But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had aˇ little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward… I mean, where are we going? Do I really even know this person?
Roger is thinking “So that means it was… let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means… lemme check the odometer… Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.”
Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong… Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment: maybe he has sensed– even before I sensed it– that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it.
Roger is thinking: “I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.”
Then Roger takes Elaine home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul and weeps until dawn, whereas Roger gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he has never heard of.
This is how the adult male mind works. It doesn’t do subtle.
There are lots of examples of this kind of behavior in the bible. God appears to Moses in a burning bush but it takes God two more signs and 31 more verses to convince him to go. Do you know why? He’s a guy
God asks Jonah to go speak to Ninevah. Jonah goes the opposite way and gets swallowed by a fish. Do you know why? He’s a guy
Thomas won’t believe that Jesus is alive until he puts his finger through the hole in his hand. Do you know why? He’s a guy.
Kira Sabin in her article Men Can’t Read Minds put it like this.
If you want a psychic, go hire one. If you want an awesome relationship, you create one.. One of the best ways to start creating that relationship is by letting people in on what is going on in our heads. As a life coach, I have seen this trend lately where we believe someone loves us more if they can figure out what we are thinking at all times. That they know instantly when we are happy, upset, frustrated, excited, disappointed, etc., and more importantly, they understand why we are feeling those emotions. Because they just “get us”. What? Who told you that? If you know who did, take away their wine for a week and send them to bed without their supper! Reality check. People do not show their love by randomly guessing correctly what is going on in that very, very complicated place we call our brain. They show love by asking questions, listening, supporting and learning about who we are.
Ladies we don’t do subtle. We’re not trying to be thick. We just don’t get subtle hints. Please tell us what you want.
Please tell us when you want us to clean.
Tell us when it’s time to listen and not solve
3) We feel most connected through sex
It will not surprise you that I got a lot of these comments on cards. Let me give you a sample. Let me warn you again, that guys don’t do subtle.
I like it when you touch me
I’m not an animal, I just have needs (Sounds like she’s married to the Elephant man. “I am not an animal!”)
I need more intimacy
This guy wrote three things
After 2 minutes I stop listening
The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control. I Corinthians 7:3-5
Shaunti Feldhahn interviewed more than 1,000 men prior to writing her book, For Women Only. It was no surprise that the interviews revealed that men desire more sex. She writes,
Men want more sex than they are getting. And what’s more, they believe that the women who love them don’t seem to realize that this is a crisis—not only for the man, but for the relationship…. For your husband, sex is more than just a physical need. Lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him, as, say, his sudden silence would be to you, were he simply to stop communicating with you. It is just as wounding to him, just as much a legitimate grievance—and just as dangerous to your marriage.
When you don’t understand one another sexually, you run the very high risk of not connecting emotionally. And what could add some spice to our relationship becomes a battlefield and a power match where he’s always keeping score— “We’ve only had sex once in the past three weeks.”
Psychologist Anne Crowley, puts it like this
Physical intimacy is how many men emotionally connect with their wives. The counter-argument to husbands wanting sex to feel emotionally connected is that wives want to be emotionally connected before having sex. But if it’s not detrimental to the relationship, I try to get the couple to bridge this gap: When they do reengage in sexual intimacy, the wife typically reports, ‘he is so much nicer.’
Tim Allen put it best. “That’s why they call them the opposite sex. We want sex, they want the opposite.”
4) We want you to know we love you
I know guys, it sounds like I’m giving up a chance to take one more shot at wives, but the reality is, based on what I read, the guys at Canyon Springs love their wives. Here’s what they wanted you to know
I love her just the way she is no matter what
I am blessed to have her
I love you
I love you, but you knew that 😃
Through the days that are good and bad I have zero doubt how much you love me and I love you
You are perfect for me
My love for you is unconditional
It makes me happy to talk and spend time together
I appreciate all the things you do for us
The last guy put it like this. I want my wife to know that she is the love of my life. I love Kylie Rae. She wants a shout out.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25
Here’s what our survey came up with about what wive’s wished their husbands knew
What every wife wished her husband knew about her
That every time you help with the chores around the house without being asked it makes me love and respect you more
I like to go shopping by myself that way I don’t lose him at the store… So annoying!
You do not excel at loading the dishwasher
How much I appreciate personal grooming and dressing appropriately
When I’m venting about something I don’t need you to fix it. Sometimes why I’m upset is more about what you didn’t say rather than what you did
Stop telling me how to solve my problems. Just listen and communicate!
How truly proud I am of him
Don’t assume anything. Speak up. Don’t assume I know you think I’m pretty or love me. Say those things out loud and often
I like when you ask me about my day
Your unkindness to meet breaks my heart. I fantasize about leaving you but I love Jesus too much
It really is menopause! Menopause sucks
acknowledge that you hear what I’m saying
That when I give you a task I don’t want to have to also be the one to remind you to do it
When I do the dishes after making the meal and I don’t nag you to help, I’m saying I love you
I don’t wear a jacket so you can keep me warm
I can’t do it all, I need your help
I want to feel loved and that I’m a priority
Making your wife “special”: give complements, show thoughtfulness, praying together, date nights are all hugely important to building your wife up. It creates a closer bond of marriage also with the Lord together. The steaming your wife speaks volumes more than you can realize or imagine. Praying together out loud is key to God restoring your marriage and bonding in his love
When I asked for help, move faster than a glacier
When I cook I do it out of love for you not the love of cooking
I have no clue what I would do without you and your support
When I asked for your help, I want it now not later. There is nothing you could do that would make me not love you
Kissing can happen even if sex isn’t going to
I’ll follow you anywhere. Your love fulfills me
The most helpful thing my husband can do is stop helping
I really need you to listen to me when I talk about trials and tribulations regarding our daughter
It’s OK to be vulnerable and shed light on your pain I love you even when I forget to say it and I’m glad you’re not just like me
My work is a lot more stressful than I live on sometimes. If I seem on interested or unappreciative of your daily help that is sincerely not the case I am often distracted by work related things as I try to do the best for our family. I love you I will do better to leave the stressful things to Jesus so I can focus more on you
I just want to spend time together exploring this beautiful world and enjoying each other’s company not competition or sarcasm
But I hate trying to be perfect and that everything has to be done perfect
Even the slightest criticism hurts me deeply
I love you, admire you, I’m proud of you and, despite what you think I do not disapprove of you
My heart is in the right place and I care about you. I’m doing the best I can do even with my words and actions don’t reflect that. Fortunately God looks at our heart
I have feelings, I am only human. I am not the enemy