What to expect when you’re suspecting- Podcast notes

Great to have Tim Smith, the family coach on the podcast today.  If you want to get in touch with Tim, here’s his contact information.

http://www.parentscoach.org/

Here is a quick link to some of Tim’s books on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/Tim-Smith/e/B001IQXAA2/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

My favorite book Tim wrote is called The Relaxed Parent.  It’s no longer in print but you can find it on Amazon on the following link

https://www.amazon.com/Relaxed-Parent-Helping-Your-Kids/dp/1881273601/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524699925&sr=1-1&keywords=tim+smith+the+relaxed+parent

Here’s a list of questions we covered.  These might be good for you to consider with your spouse, or with a group of parents.

Our title is what to expect when you’re suspecting, so I thought we would start off like this.  When was a moment where you caught your kid red handed and proved this point “Mom or Dad knows everything.” 

Unfortunately as much as we want to prove to our kids that we see all, we don’t.  Most of the time we just have our suspicions.  What are some behaviors you’ve notice in your kids that proved to be a tip off to bad behavior in other areas of their lives?

Tim gave us a list of ways we might be suspecting as parents.  Let’s take a moment to talk about them

What are some subtle ambushes kids do to get their way?

How do kids manipulate parents?

How do they malign the other parent to get what they want?

How do we see this in young kids and older kids?

Really, what we are talking about is discipline.  This is the one area we all know we need to be good at as parents, but it is also the most difficult part of parenting.

Values-  How do we communicate our family values and expectations to our kids.  We need to draw the line but have we communicated where the line is?

We use choice.  You can choose to clean your room and then go out with your friends or you can choose to stay home. 

What are the barriers that keep us as parents from staying consistent with discipline like we know we should? (Sleep deprivation, comparison, guilt)

Tim what are some keys that all parents need to know when disciplining their kids?

I love this line.  Listen to connect, not correct.  How does that play itself out in successful parenting?

Let’s talk about the role of authenticity in our parenting.  What would you say to the parent who made a lot of mistakes when they were growing up but now they want to keep their kids from making those same mistakes?

How can parents team with other parents to become better parents?

I asked Tim to send me his notes from the podcast.  Here’s what he sent me.

Unfortunately as much as we want to prove to our kids that we see all, we don’t.  Most of the time we just have our suspicions.  What are some behaviors you’ve notice in your kids that proved to be a tip off to bad behavior in other areas of their lives? (Avoiding us, or being too helpful or thoughtful)

Tim gave us a list of ways we might be suspecting as parents.  Let’s take a moment to talk about them:

  1. How do kids manipulate parents? (comparison)
  2. How do they malign the other parent to get what they want? “nice”
  3. What are some subtle ambushes kids do to get their way? ‘victim’

Values–  How do we communicate our family values and expectations to our kids.  We need to draw the line but have we communicated where the line is?

(parents think and write values, reflect scripture?, communicate to kids)

Tim what are some keys that all parents need to know when disciplining their kids? (Don’t discipline in anger, Don’t try to discipline too much, have a plan ahead of time, balance rules with relationship -> respect)

I love this line.  Listen to connect, not correct.  >How does that play itself out in successful parenting.  (Moving from control to influence requires relationship)

Truth & Grace /Time -> Growth (healing)

Fail Fast – failure is learning, not final.  (apply grace liberally)

How can parents team with other parents to become better parents? (The Disappointed Parent)